Friday, October 29, 2010


Sometimes when mom is channel surfing and gets distracted and leaves the room, I’m left alone and forced into watching whatever program happens to be blaring from the television. So, one day I see this man with very strange hair (he has parted it above the top of his ear and it is swept across to the other side of his head) who was preaching in another country and he has people lined up and waiting to stand next to him on an enormous stage. And then—he breathes on them and they collapse like cheap picnic tables. One after the other, they fall and lie on the ground. I’m watching this thinking; he might want to buy some mouthwash. And then, baskets are passed around and people stuff them full of money and probably so he can afford to go to the dentist. It was very interesting and is, what I believe, called televangelism.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

My views on religion

I'm having a slight problem loading pictures to my blog so please be patient.

Sammie, what are your religious views?

                If you haven’t noticed…I’m a bird! When was the last time you saw a church marquee that read, Church of Religious Bird Science or Holy Redeemer of African Greys?
                I will admit that your religious practices are interesting. You folks think the jungle is wild? Have you ever stopped and really look at some of your rituals?

My human mom’s ancestors fled Britain to escape religious persecution and control. The other side of her family was Native American and they had to flee those who escaped Britain! And ironically, many years later, their offspring ended up belonging to a religion that…that’s right…controlled them! I believe they went full-circle. And even then, amongst them, they couldn’t agree on which church was the right one so my question is—did they really break away and find freedom from anything?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Thrill of the Chase

My human tells me that men don't really like it when women chase after them. They like the thrill of the chase, the caveman mentality, to be the aggressor.

Does this mean women are prey?

Monday, October 25, 2010

Big Pink Birds!

My human is fascinated with Pink Flamingos. Can you imagine how thrilled she was when the Wildlife Zoo opened a restaurant that included patio seating next to the Flamingo pond?


Mom said these birds get into little groups and bicker and argue. It sounds a lot like a woman's coffee klatch to me!


The noise they make sounds a lot like a duck and when they aren't pounding the water with the top of their beaks, they are honking at each other.

Suddenly, they all settle down and gather closer and go to sleep. What a life!

p.s. The fencing on the ground is to protect the grass seed just thrown from being eaten.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

She Sleeps with Scorpions


When I hear my mom scream,"DAVID!" I know what's happened--she's found another scorpion.

Mom is so terrified of scorpions she can't even kill them. She just runs the other way screaming for my dad to do the dirty deed. This could be because she found two of them in their bed (she moved out of the bedroom until the exterminator showed up to spray).

We live on a golf course and the scorpions like to come to our yard for water and food and they can slide under a door with no problem, which they seem to like to do! Once the bug man sprays, the ones that have been hiding come out as they begin to die.

Mom found a scorpion of the bathroom wall that was so big it looked like a baby lobster. You should have heard that scream!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

My Human Dad

My dad is retired now but he used to be a business executive.
He released job stress by pretending he was a farmer who rode his tractor, mowing grass in the fields.


 The more money he made, the poorer he liked to dress on the weekends. Overalls and a straw hat were the designer duds of his choosing and mom, well…she just shook her head and refused to ride with him in his old, oil burning, smoking truck after the incident of him running into the convenience mart, leaving her to face the people who passed by and glared at her like, she alone, was responsible for the town’s pollution. Come Monday morning, he was back in his business suit, driving the company car to work.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Bad hair day

What's with that feather on top of my head? Usually, I know if I have a loose feather anywhere on my body and I get very upset about it. I throw it off my perch or cage and if it still doesn't go away, I yell at it!

Loose feathers are my pet peeve and that's sad since I'm covered in them!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

You humans...

What is it about you folks that makes you want to dress up to look like me on Halloween?


I don't know whether to be flattered or feel insulted!

How about this--I dress up as a human being this year?

Monday, October 18, 2010

Happy Halloween!

Something tells me this isn't really a bird.

So, what are you doing for Halloween? It's always a good reason for humans to party.

It isn't a special day for me. I don't get to eat candy, I can't go trick or treating or wear a costume (I suppose mom could try putting a cute little outfit on me but values her fingers too much). What I do enjoy is hearing the doorbell ring over and over. I love sounds and the louder the better.

I saw a movie that had a parrot who imitated a car alarm. That would be annoying!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Another question from a fan...

Sammie, how do I know if I’m really on a date with a man or if he only likes me for a friend?

                Seriously…are you kidding me? Dear God in Bird Heaven, tell me this is a trick question! You did not just ask me that! Oh my word, you did. Geeze Louise.
                As a rule, the male species is not the Rocket Scientists of the dating world. There is no conspiracy to search and destroy women and they rarely have the time, money or brain power to waste on plots against all females. You gals make them seem much more complicated than they really are.    
I’m not saying that men are simpletons, it’s just that they are capable of letting you know, whether it’s by words, looks or actions, if they are romantically or sexually attracted to you.
                In the wild, I immediately know if a male African Grey is really into me. He puffs his feathers, does a little dance, kisses me and regurgitates into my beak. Hey! It’s love feeding and is not gross in my world. Compare it to romantically feeding a man chocolate covered strawberries. We might even show each other our private parts (don’t even try to pretend you’ve never taken part in that behavior!).
So, here are a few clues for the clueless. Did he call you and ask you for a date? If he did, he’s interested. Now, if he called and told you to meet him at a restaurant, it isn’t a date. What do you talk about, business? That isn’t a date. Does he reach out and touch your hand or just shake it at the end of the evening? Come on…there are indications all over the place; you are just choosing to ignore them. You have to stop looking at what you want to happen and see what is really going on.
So, if you are still wondering how to tell if a man is romantically interested in you here is my final thought. If you have to ask, he isn’t.


Thursday, October 14, 2010

If I could vote...

I'll learn English if they learn to spell!

If I was a human being and had the right to vote, this is what I'd do. Every politician who ran a mud-slinging campaign would NOT get my vote. There is one problem with this though. I think I'd have an empty ballot.

I have to question why anyone would want to run for office. What you did in kindergarten would come up. No thank you. I have too many skeletons in my little bird closet.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

A question from a friend

Nancy asks:

 So what's your secret, Sammie? How did you make it through all these lifestyle and habitat changes without losing your feathers, so to speak?

It's not like I had a choice! I'm a girl that says, "You gotta do what you gotta do!" and I did what I needed to in order to survive. But also, my mom studied up on African Greys so she wouldn't harm me in any way. I'm extremely intelligent so she met me at my own level. You NEVER want to insult an African Grey by acting like they are beneath you. We know better and...we bite!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

My Beginning

Sammie’s Great Adventure
            I wonder if my human dad knew what he was getting into when he married my mom. Oh sure, he was very much aware that she owned a menacing looking Doberman named Mookie Wilson, that in reality might only injure someone by licking them too hard. Dad grew to love that dog but little did he know it was only the beginning—just a small glimmer of what was to come.
            He can’t say he wasn’t warned. When they moved from Arizona to Ohio, she told him that a home with land would be the best choice so she would have room for some animals. She just didn’t say how many—or what kind. And even when she added a horse, he didn’t mind. He even enjoyed sitting on the patio with his evening cocktail while he watched the mare, Miss Rambunctious, graze in the front pasture—the gentleman farmer relaxing after a hard day at the office.
            But maybe he should’ve sounded an alarm after the seventh horse (or what the veterinarian called, her “pasture pets”) arrived. Or after the two miniature donkeys, two geese, two pot-bellied pigs, barn cat, English Mastiff, Great Dane and Italian Greyhound or when their friends started referring to their house as the “Canfield zoo.” He never knew what would be waiting for him when he arrived home every evening. Life was good.
            And then…everything changed.
            Where were you on September 11th, 2001 when the terrorists attacked our country? The day when Americans stopped feeling safe and secure and instead sat in disbelief and fear and sorrow, watching those terrible events unfold on the television screen?
            I was caged and in the cargo area of an airliner on my way to New York City. But then, the flight was rerouted to Youngstown, Ohio and when it landed, the flight crew had to figure out what to do with me. At three months old, I was still being handfed and I made it quite clear that I was hungry and scared! The flight Crew called the local Petsmart and asked for help and luckily, the shop agreed to take me in, thereby saving my life.
            Three days later, my human mom was visiting the very same pet store still shaken and sad about the events of the past days, she found it comforting to be around animals. She remembered the stories her cousin had told about Seth, her African Grey, and, just on a whim, she asked the employee if the store had any African Greys. When the clerk told mom about my interesting rescue and let us meet, face to face, the rest, as they say, was history. And, when she saw the conditions I was living in—a boring, enclosed room with only the view of a wall—and how I reacted when I was put back into the small cage, well, that was all it took! From that day on, she was there twice a day, learning how to feed and care for me so we could go home together! After all, with the menagerie of animals she already had, what was one more? And how much trouble could a little bird be?
            But first, I needed a name. My mom was so upset about the 9/11 disaster that she wanted to name me America. Family members gave her strange looks as if to say, “What…why?” It was my dad who talked her out of it and thanks for that! Can you imagine meeting people and having to explain your name over and over again? Instead, the name Sam was suggested as in Uncle Sam but that posed another problem. My DNA came back as me being female. So… I became Sammie.
            Now, don’t get me wrong. I appreciated being out of that little room and in this big house in a much more spacious cage. But my mom had a lot to learn, starting with my dining preferences. The kitchen became my feeding station and included a large syringe, thermometer and a ton of paper towels. The temperature of my bird formula had to be perfect: too hot and I’d get scalded, too cold and I couldn’t digest it. She had to slowly inject the formula into the side of my beak rather than directly down my throat so it wouldn’t go into my esophagus. But even if she got that part right, the feeding itself was a messy business and if the formula got on my face or feathers, she would try to wipe it off and I hated that part so I showed her what a temper I could have.  There was even formula on the ceiling (don’t ask).
             “Work with me, Sammie” she would sigh. Clearly, she didn’t know who was running the show yet.


            But despite the mess, feeding time was when we bonded. It was a two-way street: she was my human mom but I considered her part of my flock (okay, she was the only other member of my flock but who’s counting?) She would feed me and I would show my love by trying to feed her in return. In case you’re wondering how, I offered her “parrot puke”: regurgitated food that I deposited on her hand. I know it sounds disgusting but don’t know it till you’ve tried it!  And every night we cuddled for at least an hour, something that we still do and I love every minute of it. If she doesn’t come and get me, I squawk at her! (I never said I was always sweet.)
So getting back to the care and feeding of Sammie—I also need a shower every day. It’s essential to my well-being. I have feather dust (kind of like your dandruff!) and if I was in the Congo with the rest of my family, I would probably be rained on daily.
Problem is, I hate showers—which Mom figured out the first time she tried! You think cats hate water? You ain’t seen nothing yet! The neighborhood could hear my protests so imagine what it did to her ears. After Mom’s battle scars started hitting double digits, we reached a compromise: I’d agree to weekly baths and she would settle for misting me with a plant sprayer the rest of the time.  
           People are always very interested in me and my antics so mom started writing a newsletter, just to share the ornery things I’ve said.  Then, when people started e-mailing her tons of questions about me, she gave me my very own Facebook page! Pretty soon, people began asking me questions—some funny and others more serious—and I discovered that I loved giving advice! Mom has become my typing servant —which keeps her off the streets—taking down everything I say from my little acrylic carrier right next to the computer. (I have to keep an eye on her and make sure she is getting it right. I do have a reputation to uphold after all.)
             I hope my story of being rescued inspires you to do the same for an animal someday. Oh, and about my cousin, Seth. He laid an egg not too long ago and is now in counseling for gender reassignment.






Hello Fans

That's right...I'm blogging again. I know you've been missing me and the sage advice I dispense. Admit it, you have. Well, I've been missing you too.

This blog is going to be just a little different from my previous one. Mom wrote about me before but this time, I'll be doing the writing. I'll be sharing some of my world with you and how I came to live with my human family. I'm excited for all of us to get closer and become great friends.

So friends, fasten your seat belts...here we go!